Bob the Goldfish, or “Bob the Second”, was found dead early this morning in his fishbowl in San Pedro, Laguna. Cause of death is unknown; however, no investigation will be held.
“We only bought him yesterday afternoon and he’s already dead this morning. How am I supposed to feel about that?!”, said owner Mac Andre Arboleda.
He adds, “I’ve spent a grand total of ten minutes with the guy. Seriously. I bought the fish, took him home—that took about 5 minutes. The other five minutes I spent taking pictures of him to post on Facebook and my blog. After that, I never checked on him again.”
Mr. Arboleda remarks he was surprised when he saw Bob contained in a plastic bag, lifeless. “My brother’s girlfriend notified me about the fish. ‘Patay na yung isang fish mo,’ she told me. ‘Di nga?’, I said. ‘Oo nga.’, she said. ‘SERYOSO?!??!' And I ran as fast as I could downstairs.”
"I don’t know what I did wrong," shares Arboleda. "I washed their bowl, I fed them, I even bought them aquarium decor which cost me a hundred bucks. I want my money back."
Bob the Goldfish is survived by his owner and his adoptive siblings Bob the First and Bob the Third.
No funeral service will be held. Bob the Second was flushed down the toilet.