Don’t bother reading

OK so I just had one of the worst days ever—online registration, woke up at 7AM, hit “refresh” for about 7 hours while skipping breakfast, lunch, and bathroom breaks, only to find out that said online registration would be moved to same time next day. Goddammit.

But I wasn’t going to let that piss me off. I mean, it did, actually. But I didn’t know how else to start this paragraph. GOING BACK TO THE POINT, it’s because Jay Baruchel, THE JAY BARUCHEL, RETWEETED ME ON TWITTER!!!!!!

I’ve been holding out this inner faggotry the whole summer, but I think it’s about time I revealed that I’m practically obsessed with Jay Baruchel. It all started when I saw him in these comedy flicks and I’d always thought that I related to his characters: funny, awkward, with a ridiculous amount of pubic hair. (see: “She’s Out of My League”)

And then I began watching all his movies. From Goon, Good Neighbors, How to Train Your Dragon, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Tropic Thunder, I’m Reed Fish, to Fetching Cody, ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THEM. EVERYTHING!!! NOT A SINGLE ONE LEFT OUT!!! Except, of course, the ones without available torrent. 

So when I arrived at the peak of my fandom towards Jay, which was obviously signaled by my decision to start stalking him for personal information, I concluded that I HAD to reach him in some way. And that’s when I made my 4th Twitter account, wrinklyvagina.

I planned and planned for days, thinking of a witty statement that will surely catch his attention. During that period, I was gaining followers, which I needed, to hide my desperation. And on June 4th, past midnight, I sent him the tweet:

I knew I couldn’t handle waiting for his reply (or possibly waiting for no response at all), so I slept immediately. I dreamed that I was swimming in donuts and ketchup by the way, but that’s another story…

So like I said, my little brother woke me up at 7AM. I quickly logged on to my accounts in everywhere and I had a mini heart attack when I saw this message from an Anon here on Tumblr. I rushed to my Twitter “connections” and I squealed and screamed and yelled and peed my pants.

I died eventually.

Blogging from heaven u guise TXT IT