Greetings, Tumblrers and Tumblrites!
Tonight I’m going to tell you a short story entitled “Tilde Asterisk Teenage Rebellion Asterisk Tilde”.
One lazy afternoon, a boy was watching porn when the sun moved and glared at the computer screen. It was the part where the girl’s pussy’s about to get wet so the boy became very frustrated. This event though, made him remember his wet shoes from yesterday’s Enchanted Kingdom adventure; he went downstairs, grabbed his top-siders drenched with stinky Rio Grande water, and took them outside to dry.
Hours passed and it was finally time to go to school. His speed when it comes to preparing his things could compare to his university’s Wi-Fi bandwidth, so he didn’t get to ride with his dad on the way to his next class. He heard the car drive swiftly away while he was putting on his underwear after a cold shower, making a facepalm from regret shortly after. This facepalm caused pressure on his face then onto his body which resulted in droplets of water bouncing off his balls. And yes, you needed to know that.
Soon he went downstairs to fetch his shoes and put them on so he could finally get away from the place that he calls “home.” He’s just asked his mother for the weekly allowance, his bag was ready, but one thing was missing: his shoes.
“MAAAA NASAAN YUNG SAPATOS KO?!”, he shouted. “SAPATOS KOOOO!”
His mother stormed down from the second floor and murmured “Hala, patay ka.” She hurried to the outside of the house and through the gate before the boy could even ask any questions.
The mom came back a minute later and said, “Wala. Wala na sapatos mo.” The boy couldn’t comprehend what she was saying and blurted, “What the fuck? Nasaan na sapatos ko?!?!?!?!”
“BAKIT KASI BINILAD MO DIYAN SA LABAS?! ALAM MO NAMANG NGANGATNGATIN ‘YAN NG ASO EH!!!”
“Huh?”
“NINGATNGAT NG ASO KAYA LINAGAY KO DUN SA TAAS NG KOTSE. CHINECK KO YUNG KALSADA BAKA SAKALING NALAGLAG PERO WALA NA. PAMBIHIRA KA BAKIT KASI BINILAD MO PA?!
“Eh basa eh, what the f— ano’ng gagawin ko? I-ooven?!”
“EH BINILAD MO NGA KASI EH.”
“SO AKO MAY KASALANAN?!”
“OO, IKAW NAGBILAD EH.”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!”
The boy became increasingly angry after his mother’s stupid argument. The mom went back upstairs feeling like she was the shit after convincing herself that she wasn’t the one at fault.
The now shoe-less boy kept saying under his breath, “Who the fuck does that? Really? WHO FUCKING LOSES A PAIR OF SHOES LIKE THAT?! GODDAMN IT. SHIT FUCK BALLS. SHIT BALLS FUCK ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKING BALLS FUCK SHIT.”
He rummaged through his shoe closet and found a perfectly decent pair and wore them. The word “Lol” went through his mind. He put them on immediately and decided that he still needs his revenge after something like that happened.
He began rearranging the furniture in a distasteful way and throwing the pillows on the floor. He grabbed every shoe and slipper he could find and spread them across the mattress. Finally, he put his mother’s newest shoes outside the house where the dogs could chew on it themselves—like what they did to MY shoe. Oops, I meant to say HIS shoes.
He felt accomplished after doing his work of crime and stepped outside the house (right before he purposefully banged the door at least 22 times). He reached the gate where he made loud animal-like noises, closed the gate, made animal-like noises (again), and rode the tricycle on the way to school.
He prays to God that his mom would still give him allowance the week after. <END>
Short story could also be entitled “Maturity At Its Best”.
