I would like to begin this blog post by greeting all the Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese a Happy New Year!!! Ching chong chang, you guys! I hope that means “I love you all” because otherwise, I don’t really think it makes a difference.
Earlier today, I celebrated my friend Chinina’s birthday with my high school buddies! The first thing we did was eat lots of greasy pizza in the living room while watching American Idol. We then went on Omegle and started flipping off almost every person we met besides the Indians who got a special treatment from my friend Ralph: a free sighting of his buttcrack.
We then proceeded to watching random videos on the interwebz, a few including: a 3-minute clip of a boy who got paid 20 Pesos to squish dog shit with his hands, the ever-disturbing video of “2 Girls 1 Cup”, a clip of a girl munching on a 12-inch black guy’s cock, a video of a group of girls finger-painting using their own feces and vomit, and lastly, an almost 60-second video of a guy cutting his own penis and balls.
That, my friends, is how you celebrate a girl’s 17th birthday with class.
